peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
