so that wasnt chicken after all
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
