She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
