I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
