My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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