worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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