i can't believe i had my finger in that
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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