I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
These tits shall not be calmed
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
