you guys were way drunker than both of me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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