my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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