i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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