So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
