Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
