some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
