Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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