Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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