God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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