OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
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We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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