i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
