it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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