dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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