i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
