I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
