youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
