Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Randomize
