I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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