wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
