Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
