i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
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It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
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You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I forget how to act sober
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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