I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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