If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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