i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
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I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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