I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
