..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
