I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
