The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
