Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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