things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
