Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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