wat bout pragnant strippers??
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
