with your own penis?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
