he wants to bone in the snuggie
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
