I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
