She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
