please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
