Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
