Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
