What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
