I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize