i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
