I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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