i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
