Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think i got beer on your cat.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
