She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
