morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
