So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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