I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
