she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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