Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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