we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
