Duck Duck Cougar?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
