can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
