I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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