From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
did i just pee glitter
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
