So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
