I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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