oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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