I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
