Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Its about making memories worth repressing
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
