K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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