I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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