tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
