Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
