This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
