Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
