FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
