where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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