I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
