we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
