the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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