Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
After tacos, we're chasing women.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
