yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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