i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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